Vanity Fair’s Proust Questionnaire Answers (with my favorite celebrity answers in parentheses)
What is your idea of perfect happiness? A crisp fall day spent drinking coffee and reading a good book, with no obligations. (Having my own island. - Jimmy Buffett; Being in the moment. - Eric Clapton; When the coffee kicks in early in the morning and I’m on the couch with my dogs, reading the paper. - Dustin Hoffman; A fireplace, a book, and a snowy day, with no possibility of getting in to the office. - Barbara Walters)
What is your greatest fear? Losing my mom. (The Republicans will win everything. - Harry Belafonte; Another two years of Republican control of Congress. - Edward M. Kennedy)
What historical figure do you most identify with? Sylvia Beach. (Robert Kennedy…he was one of the few politicians who actually got angry at social injustice. - Bill O’Reilly)
Which living person do you most admire? Anyone trying to make a positive difference in the world. (Elvis. - David Bowie; I think it has to be President Mandela. - Sir Michael Caine; Hillary Clinton. - Julia Child; Is Teddy Roosevelt still with us? I liked him. He was a good president. - Ellen Degeneres)
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? Judging. (Thinking. - Lauren Bacall; I can be a sore loser and an obnoxious winner. - Katie Couric; I procrastinate. I play computer solitaire. I fall into depressive sloth. I don’t like it, but there it is. - Joan Didion; The tendency to withdraw into myself. - Jane Fonda)
What is the trait you most deplore in others? Not thinking of others. (Not thinking. - Lauren Bacall; Hypocrisy. - Deepak Chopra; Pretentiousness. - Katie Couric; Inconsistency. - Catherine Deneuve; Talking too much, especially when accompanied by an inability to listen. - Andrew Weil)
What is your greatest extravagance? Travel. (Giving money. - Johnny Cash; The waste of time. - Carolina Herrera)
What is your favorite journey? The walk around Green Lake. (Going home. - William F. Buckley Jr.; Exploring life. - Hedy Lamarr; The one that leads to self-discovery. - Andrew Weil)
What do you consider the most overrated virtue? Socio-economic status. (Chastity. - Julie Andrews; A 24-inch waist. - Lauren Bacall; Virginity. - Annette Bening; Holiness. - Julia Child; Piousness. - Jackie Collins; Manipulative religious hypocrisy. - Karl Lagerfeld; Monogamy. - Shirley MacLaine; Loyalty. - Liz Smith; Taking over a country and forcing democracy on it. - David Steinberg; Patriotism. - Gore Vidal)
On what occasion do you lie? When it is better than the alternative. (To get out of a boring dinner party. - Joan Collins; I probably lie constantly, if the definition of lying includes white lies, social lies, lies to ease a situation or make someone feel better. - Joan Didion; When the truth will serve no purpose and only hurt. - Jane Fonda; When people ask “How are you?” The real answer I save for my therapist. - Dustin Hoffman; To get out of going to things. - Emma Thompson)
What do you dislike most about your appearance? My stomach. (The upkeep. - Maureen Dowd)
Which living person do you most despise? A large number of Republicans come to mind. (I have a rule of keeping all negatives out of my life, so if there was someone I was going to despise, I wouldn’t waste the energy on them - they disappear. - Sir Michael Caine; A certain Republican…who will remain nameless. - Carrie Fisher; Well, it used to be Ronald Reagan. He was the most ignorant president we ever had. Now George W. has appropriated his seat. - Norman Mailer)
Which words or phrases do you most overuse? “I don’t know.” (“Maria, I said I’m sorry.” - Arnold Schwarzenegger; “Is it time for a drink?” - Emma Thompson)
What is your greatest regret? I don’t have regrets. (That I never taped or documented my grandfather’s stories of his years at sea. - Jimmy Buffett; Not to have learnt to speak or write French well enough. - Joan Collins; Most of my marriages. - Doris Day; I don’t have any regrets or I wouldn’t be the person I am today. Although my ’80s mullet does come close. - Ellen Degeneres; Not keeping a diary. - Barbara Walters)
What or who is the greatest love of your life? Hopefully there is a “who” to come… (June Carter. - Johnny Cash; Nature. - Catherine Deneuve; My life is not over yet. There is no other way to answer such a question… - Karl Lagerfeld)
When and where were you happiest? When I was a camp counselor in the summer of 2008. Probably just because I didn’t have time to think about being unhappy! But other than that I am happier the older I get. (Pearl Street in 1950s NYC, but memory distorts. - Jasper Johns; Between marriages. - Hedy Lamarr)
Which talent would you most like to have? To sing or dance. (Tap dancing. I love tap dancing. I think it’s great. - Sir Michael Caine; I long to be fluent in languages other than English. - Joan Didion; To play good jazz piano. - Dustin Hoffman; The ability to remember or forget at will. - Jasper Johns; I wish I could talk better, in conversation. I’m not a good talker. - Brian Wilson)
What is your current state of mind? Content but slightly guilty for not working on my grad school applications. (Pregnant. - David Bowie)
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? To be a little less analytical without losing my intelligence. (My limited attention span. - Oscar de la Renta; My inability to have romantic relationships. - Carrie Fisher; My inability to have a long-term intimate relationship. - Jane Fonda)
If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be? Less unnecessary drama. (Save the drama for the spotlight, people. - Ron Howard)
What do you consider your greatest achievement? Being happy by myself. (To continue to grow personally and professionally. - Donna Karan; That I can still muster up some hope for humans. - Arthur Miller)
If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be? A cat. (I have no desire to be reincarnated, as a thing or a person. This life’s enough for me! - Brigitte Bardot; A zillionaire who gives away all his money. Yes, I would like to come back as a rich man who would live without corruption, respect nature, women, and small insignificant things. - Shirley MacLaine)
If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be? A cat. (Stillborn. - William F. Buckley Jr.; A favored cat. - Walter Cronkite; As a California redwood tree - tall, strong, deep-rooted, long-living, aromatic, benevolent, reaching toward the sun, the moon, and the stars. - Olivia De Havilland; A more evolved, intelligent being. - Sonny Rollins)
What is your most treasured possession? Journals, scrapbooks, photographs.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery? Having no hope. (To be cold, sick, broke, hungry, lonely, forgotten, and dying. - George Carlin; A week on amphetamines, and coming down. - Johnny Cash; Racism and poverty…Until we find a way to fix these problems, there will always be unrest in our society and world. - Ray Charles; Dinner with a conservative. - Carrie Fisher; Unrequited love. - Hugh Hefner)
Where would you like to live? Seattle, Paris.
What is your favorite occupation? Helping others. (Social worker. I have a strong desire to help fucked up slobs with no hope in their lives whatsoever. I don’t know - I guess I’m a sensitive guy deep down. - Howard Stern)
What is your most marked characteristic? Thoughtfulness.
What is the quality you most like in a man? Intelligence without judgment. (When he knows the right moment to speak up, and the right moment to shut up. - Giorgio Armani; Integrity…try to be a good man, walk as close as you can to what you believe in. - James Brown; Humility. - Johnny Cash; Clear-sightedness, humor, fairness, fidelity to purpose. - Olivia de Havilland; The ability to accept the female side in all of us. - Quincy Jones; Uxoriousness. - Emma Thompson)
What is the quality you most like in a woman? Intelligence without judgment. (Thoughtfulness. - Olivia de Havilland; Feminine strength. - Dennis Hopper; Strength of character. - Karl Rove)
What do you most value in your friends? Their ability to listen and make me feel better. (Being able to share happiness and sadness and have a good laugh. - Jane Goodall; That they like to laugh. That they feel for others and that they have wisdom to share. - Liv Ullmann)
Who are your favorite writers? JK Rowling, Curtis Sittenfeld, Haruki Murakami.
Who is your favorite hero of fiction? Leslie Knope, Harry Potter. (Mulan. - Katie Couric)
Who are your heroes in real life? My close family and close friends. (The unknown people who make the world safer: nurses, researchers, doctors, teachers, etc. - Carolina Herrera)
What are your favorite names? Lanae, Brendan
What is it that you most dislike? Ignorance. (Poverty, hunger, unhappiness. - Julie Andrews; Politicians who lie about important things other than clothing choices, and use those lies for exploitation, power grabs, global warming evasion, and personal profit. - Margaret Atwood; Bigotry. - Tony Bennett; The suffering of innocents. - Dave Brubeck; Organized religion. - George Carlin; Prejudice and bigotry. - Deepak Chopra; What’s with focusing on the negativity? - Ellen Degeneres; The deception and exploitation of the naive and defenseless. - Olivia de Havilland; People who have more than others but don’t give. - Kirk Douglas; Theopolitical nationalist “family values” TV hypocrites and their corresponding heads of state. - Allen Ginsberg; Overweening piety used for political purposes. Hitler and Himmler come to mind. So do a few minor American figures in high places today. - Norman Mailer; Male anti-abortion zealots. - John Waters; A closed mind. - Andrew Weil)
How would you like to die? Of old age, in my sleep. (Knowing I’ve left a positive mark. - Giorgio Armani; I would not like it. - Lauren Bacall)
What is your motto? Finish each day and be done with it. (Don’t let the bastards get you down. - Margaret Atwood; Noise does no good, goodness doesn’t make noise. - Brigitte Bardot; Fuck that shit. - Carrie Fisher; To thine own self be true. - Hugh Hefner; Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. - Little Richard; It’s better to have loved a short than never to have loved a tall. - Martin Short; This too shall pass. - Barbara Walters)
